i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
