it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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