I wish I could punch you in the face.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
