Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
