i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
