I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
True college students do jello shots in the library
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