***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just made out with a guy for $7.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
