He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
