Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
