I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
