What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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