IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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