so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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