Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
