smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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