suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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