i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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