he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
