saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
