Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
