I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
