Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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