in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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