Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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