I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
