he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
