If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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