yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
