threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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