Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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