A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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