She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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