Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
