I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
