I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
