dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
