Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
