Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
