Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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