I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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