I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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