im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize