Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
