I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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