I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
