Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
