If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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