I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
