Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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