I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
