"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
