Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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