I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
