my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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