Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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