dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
