I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
