I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
