LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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