The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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