I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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