My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
