My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
