don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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