i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
